An Open Letter to John Mayer: YOU can Jump off one of those Mountains up in Montana

Hey DUDE I took up for you over a year ago and man I wish I had never wasted my time after reading that interview you did in Rolling Stone. And no, not the one where you made a fool out of yourself. I mean the new one where you try to paint yourself as Neil Young. Stop now please. And also stop analogizing other artists of our day as Neil Young’s contemporaries so you can then place yourself into that new group and “whalla” you are the new Neil Young. First off, the last thing the world needs is a new Neil Young! You know why? Because we have the only one we need. And why you might ask? Because he is a freaking great artist who is no one’s cry baby.
You poor rich Rock Star.
For the record I do not read Rolling Stone, it was laying about and I made the mistake of picking it up, saw you in there and thought “hmmm his music is sometimes passable.” Heck I even liked the cut or two I heard off your new album. But come on dude!
I am going to not get into anything else you said in that magazine because I do not want to rail on for 1,000 words over how whiny and pretentious you come off. I know you don’t care and if you don’t fine but when Charlie Sheen comes off like a prince right beside you then something is off. But then I realized it because I took the time to read about him too. One thing that seemed to resonate is that he OWNS his. GOOD BAD AWFUL ETC. And makes no apologies which makes him something unique today, a real dude. An iconoclast. Not someone trying to be something you never will be: Neil Young. Try being the best version of John Mayer. I thought you were on your way to doing that guy and doing a pretty good job of it. But no Mayer I took up for you and took some sand in my crawlspace for it. I take it all back. Do no more interviews until you learn to appear, at least the facade of something besides a brat. And you know what else you can do? If that writer totally misrepresented you go find him and PUNCH him right in his mouth. At least it would up your street cred.
Dude I like your music and also here is he caveat to that: I did not want to like it and still did so that means you were really onto something. But please man do not do anymore off the cuff interviews. You are probably one of the nicest guys ever but RS does you no favors.

I know I am never making the mistake of picking up another Rolling Stone. Whew what a load of crap. I cannot believe Hunter S. Thompson even ever walked by their office much less actually wrote for that pile of Toilet paper.

* By the way I take stuff for even liking your music at all. But some of it is very good. Also I sincerely do not want you to jump off any mountains. It ain’t like that.


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